Week Two: Together. Friendship. We.
How you view your past as a couple tells you about your level of Fondness and Admiration. When you think about your history as a couple do you tend to have positive and fond memories of special moments, or do they tend to be more negative and critical? If your thoughts are more negative and critical it is a sign that the Fondness and Admiration needs to be worked on in the relationship.
94% of the time, couples who put a positive spin on their marriage’s history and their partner’s character are likely to have a happy future as well.
When times are difficult in a relationship it can be a drain, eroding the fondness and admiration. In these seasons, it is helpful to think about memories when you and your partner were able to work shoulder to shoulder toward a shared goal or outcome. Fondness and admiration is built in the moment to moment daily life of a relationship.
Take these prompts with you into your day. Spend at least 20 minutes on your daily prompt, thinking over the positives* of your partner.
Rebuilding fondness and admiration can revive any relationship, especially with those we have chosen to love for life.
- I feel a genuine sense of "we" as opposed to "I" in this relationship. Think of at least one thing you both have in common.
- We have the same general beliefs and values. Describe one belief or value you both have.
- We have common goals. List two goals that you share.
- My partner is my best friend. What intimate detail about you, does your partner know?
- I get lots of support in this relationship. Think of a time that you experienced support from your partner.
Try to genuinely think and rehearse these positive thoughts about your partner.
*If you are in a relationship that feels unsafe or has become emotionally damaging to the point of concern please seek assistance through a local and trusted therapist. Everyone deserves a safe relationship. We can provide a list of individual therapists who can help.
Weekly fondness and admiration prompts from The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman.